Never Too Late

When I started this blog last October, I had planned to post something each weekend. However, over the last month it hasn’t worked that way. Instead, it has been every other week. In the midst of other obligations, I am working to meet a deadline in completing my manuscript of the memoir to get it to a copy editor by March 1st.

Asking for forgiveness

People have shared with me and probably with you too the experience of having a disagreement, a falling-out, or something said or done in a relationship that was never resolved. Maybe words I regret or a tone of voice from yesterday, or something else that happened a week ago, a month ago, or even longer. I’ve not only heard this from others but I’ve also been guilty of it myself.

Because some of the problems seemed so small or so common, I never did anything about them. I rationalized. It’s history. It happened too long ago. They’ve probably forgotten all about it. But I was convicted that no matter how small it seemed to me or how long ago, if I remembered it, then it was not too small and probably the other person also remembered.

Several years ago I started practicing something I began advising others to do, i.e. to go back and say something like “Do you remember what I said to you last week Thursday when I was angry? I never should have spoken to you in the way I did. I want you to know I haven’t forgotten it and I’m asking you today to forgive me.”

Sometimes I’m not asking for forgiveness for what I said but for the way I said it. At other times, I have to say I was totally wrong about the whole matter. Also, it is not always about what was said or done. I can’t forget that some things I need forgiveness for are promises broken or expectations I created and then didn’t meet.

Those who work a Twleve Step program know that Step Nine is about making amends. When people start making their list of those whom they have harmed, they are often thinking of “big” things. But it is often the “little” things we ignore that slowly kill a relationship or cause love to die. Step Ten is about taking a daily inventory and “when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” What I am reminding myself is that when I’m not prompt in my admission, I don’t get a pass.

Expressing gratitude

While writing my memoir I found there was a person who appeared repeatedly doing significant things but she was never in the limelight and I hadn’t realized how valuable she was to me and the ministry. It has been fourteen years since I’ve seen her and I know I have not expressed to her the gratitude I feel even today.

Lord willing, I will see her this summer when I am planning to be in Slovakia. At the very least, she deserves a bouquet of flowers. As I have been reminded of her, I have thought how important it is to say thank you and I appreciate you. I also need to be specific about what the person said or did that made a difference in my day. These expressions can grow the love between us, enrich our lives, and bless the person who blessed us.

While writing this I had a picture in my mind of what the church would look like if everyone of us who needs to express gratitude to another showed up with a bouquet at the same time. It made me smile.

I want to not only be a more grateful person but also express my thankfulness. Just like asking for forgiveness has no expiration date, it is not too late to give thanks for something said or done a day ago, a month ago, or even fourteen years ago.