Anticipation and Mixed Emotions

I received a letter from hospice this week about the soon-to-be first anniversary of Joe Ann’s death. It included a paragraph stating that the time leading up to that date is often packed with more feelings than the actual date of a loved one’s death. Although it is not yet June 2nd, I expect that is true.

Since Easter I have been reliving so much of what took place in the last six weeks of Joe Ann’s life because during that time she said good-bye to five people who held a very special place in her heart and life and who traveled from Colorado, Maine, and Texas to spend time with her.

As I remember the three visits beginning with the first one on the Easter weekend, I recall the anticipation in their coming and the experience of their time with us – conversations, meals shared together, laughter, tender embraces, and poignant moments. I can picture the card table at the end of her hospital bed in the living room with chairs on three sides so that we could eat together.

The day after the last visitors left and drove home to Texas, I got up in the morning and found Joe Ann nonresponsive. She had had a stroke in the night. They had all been here at the right time and they and I have sweet memories of those visits.

There were others who came in that last week to sit by her bed, sing to her, read to her, speak to her, pray with her, and say good-bye. I believe she heard all of them. Then there were the three who were seated with me in the living room when she left us shortly after noon on June 2nd. How precious are those memories too.

During these same weeks when I have been recalling Joe Ann’s end of life here on earth, I have been anticipating my first trip back to Slovakia since 2010. I am feeling a bit of sadness because it will be without Joe Ann and I imagine that everyone I see will feel it too. However, the balance of my feelings is weighted on the side of joy and excitement as a look forward to reunions with so many friends in several cities.

My ticket is puchased and suitcase is out. My packing list is made. Some of the items I will take have been checked off already. Although I never spoke Slovak fluently, I am brushing up on the little Slovak I knew.

I am sorting through pictures to create a photo gallery of “then” photos to but on this blog site before I leave and looking forward to adding new “now” photos when I return.

Vanessa, who spent so much time with us during our early years in Slovakia, is traveling with me. I will have opportunity to see her again participating in the children’s English camp in Stola, where she was its first director in 2000. Children I knew then now have children of their own.

As the calendar of my time in Slovakia fills up, I look forward to a time of both remembering and creating new memories.