Author: Joyce De Ridder

Categories
Relationships

Role Models and Resources

A meaningful book

In her book, Bridges out of Poverty, Ruby defines poverty as “the extent to which we do without resources.” Although her book is about helping people in the society we call poor because of lack of financial resources, she identifies eight resources that are part of the bridge out of poverty: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, relationships/role models, knowledge of hidden rules, and coping strategies. After defining each of these resources, Payne gives description of a number of clients, their backgrounds. and current situations. She then asks the reader to evaluate each of the clients on the extent to which they lack the eight resources.

At the time I was introduced to the book I found it useful because I was the administrator of a university department that included social work students. However, over the years I have returned to that list of resources many times and examined myself on the extent to which I lacked roesources when making a career change or made a physical move.

When I left university teaching and administration in 1985 to take a position of volunteer recruitment in the medical services department of an international mission agency, I knew that to do the job well I would need help in acquiring some of the resources Payne identified.

A Significant Person

In addition to making a career change and moving to another part of the country, I knew no one when I arrived. What I found in that agency was one of the most colorful, resourceful persons I had ever met. Johnni Johnson Scofield was a special assistant to the president of the agency and was 20 years my senior.

Johnni introduced herself, took me to lunch, invited me to her church, and helped me get acquainted with Richmond, Virginia. She saw what I needed to learn my new work culture and helped me acquire the informational, the experiential, and the relational resources I needed. She taught me the hidden rules of the organization, gave me coping strategies, was a part of my support group, and was a role model of how to be a resource provider for others.

The featured image on this post is a water color painting I have framed and hung on the wall in my office. It was painted by Johnni when she was in her seventies. I think of it as a kind of self-portrait. Johnni’s studio apartment was like living in a library.

Whenever I think of resourceful people, Johnni is the first person who comes to mind. She shaped my thinking and influenced my actions about the importance of resources and mentors more than anyone else.

I never met with Johnni that she didn’t have something to share with me, most often some print resources. They were resources to make me think, or help me do my job better, or understand the big picture, or expand my knowledge on some subject. There were news items or things related to my special interests.

When I was no longer in Richmond, Johnni mailed packets of materials to Michigan and then overseas. Always learning herself, she scoured all kinds of magazines and books.

A worthy goal

Before Joe Ann Shelton and I moved to Slovakia we prepared a pamphlet in which we described our vision and outlined several goals we had in ministry. One of the goals was to introduce three kinds of resources to those with and to whom we ministered. They were the same that Johnni had provided for me: experiential resources, people resources, and informational resources.

Setting that goal and accomplishing it did at least two things for us. First, it helped us frame our picture of people in terms of what might enrich them, give them joy, enhance their lives, and provide them with greater ability to do their work and relate to others. Second, it was a way of doing our part and ensuring that we could leave something behind when we were gone that would be ongoing in the lives of others.

It was reciprocal. People we met, worked and worshipped with in the years from 1997 to 2009, observed our needs and helped us in many of the ways Johnni had assisted me.

When I returned to Slovakia for a visit in July of this year after 13 years away, I was reminded again of the beauty and blessing of all the “one another” commands in the Bible – love one another, pray for one another, forgive one another, carry each other’s burdens, encourage one another, build each other up, offer hospitality to one another, and so many more.

Categories
Relationships Slovakia Memoir

God’s Timing

Time slipping away

Greatest lesson learned in Slovakia

When Joe Ann and I returned to the U.S. in 2009, after 12 years in Slovakia, we were asked by our pastor one Sunday morning, “What was the greatest lesson you learned in your years in Slovakia?” We both had an answer without having to think about it. I said, “God’s timing.” Joe Ann said, “Waiting on God.” They were two different ways of saying the same thing.

In some cases God answered prayers that we prayed for people and for certain things to develop after we were there for several years. Other prayers He answered after we left Slovakia and even some since Joe Ann’s death. We were often in a hurry but God was never in a hurry. We were thinking about what we wanted to accomplish and He was knowing what He would accomplish. God has his own timetable and purpose in what He does. At times our task was to till the soil. At other times to plant seeds, water, or pull weeds. It was not often to harvest.

God is always at work in His way and, as I get ready to return to Slovakia soon, I am eager to see what He has been doing there in these intervening 13 years.

In addition to learning what has changed in people’s lives there, I know I will have opportunity to give a testimony of God’s work in my own life when attending churches, meeting with groups, and sharing time with families and individuals one-on-one. Since those times will be comparatively short because I may see some people just once and will only be in Slovakia for four weeks, I want what I share with people to be meaningful. Consequently, I have been giving it some thought. Of course, I will say different things to different people, but today I want to tell you about one of the most important lessons I learned in returning to the United States.

Greatest lesson learned in returning to the U.S.

Here it is. It was easier to be focused on and committed to God’s purpose in my life when I was in Slovakia than it was in returning to the U.S. Why do I say that? Because we were in a foreign country and we went there for a reason. Every morning as I sat at the kitchen table in our apartment in Banska Bystrica and looked out of the window to the apartment buildings across from us, I thought (and sometimes said aloud to Joe Ann), “If we are not sharing God’s Word and His love in what we say and how we live, then we have no business being here.” That kept me focused and single-minded.

When I came back to the U.S. it was hard to keep that focus on a daily basis. After all, I was in my own country and I thought “I have every right to be here. I was born here. This is my country.” So, I was often distracted and drawn away by a variety of interests and activities that caused me to miss opportunities and forget about the priority of communicating God’s Word and being like Jesus in what I said and did.

However, not long after we returned to the U.S. and settled in Amarillo, Texas, we found new avenues of minstry and recaptured some of our focus and sense of purpose. The years there were good for both Joe Ann and me in many ways.

Then, in 2012 we returned to Michigan and settled again in Holland. Joe Ann was 80 years old and I was 70. With increasing age and decreasing energy, we both had to assess again what kind of life we would live. Joe Ann began to see individuals in our home and work with them. We served together on the Global Outreach Committee at Calvary Baptist Church. I was involved for a few years in our Christian school administration and in some teaching. My last assignment from the Lord was to be Joe Ann’s caregiver for a couple of years.

Now, at 81, I remind myself again that my life is not my own and I have no right to “do my own thing” just because I am getting older. Without a doubt, life is different and ministry is different but what isn’t differnt is the obligation and joy to give Jesus priority in my day to day life and accept what God has next for me. I am beginning to get a glimpse of it.

Categories
Relationships Slovakia Memoir

Anticipation and Mixed Emotions

I received a letter from hospice this week about the soon-to-be first anniversary of Joe Ann’s death. It included a paragraph stating that the time leading up to that date is often packed with more feelings than the actual date of a loved one’s death. Although it is not yet June 2nd, I expect that is true.

Since Easter I have been reliving so much of what took place in the last six weeks of Joe Ann’s life because during that time she said good-bye to five people who held a very special place in her heart and life and who traveled from Colorado, Maine, and Texas to spend time with her.

As I remember the three visits beginning with the first one on the Easter weekend, I recall the anticipation in their coming and the experience of their time with us – conversations, meals shared together, laughter, tender embraces, and poignant moments. I can picture the card table at the end of her hospital bed in the living room with chairs on three sides so that we could eat together.

The day after the last visitors left and drove home to Texas, I got up in the morning and found Joe Ann nonresponsive. She had had a stroke in the night. They had all been here at the right time and they and I have sweet memories of those visits.

There were others who came in that last week to sit by her bed, sing to her, read to her, speak to her, pray with her, and say good-bye. I believe she heard all of them. Then there were the three who were seated with me in the living room when she left us shortly after noon on June 2nd. How precious are those memories too.

During these same weeks when I have been recalling Joe Ann’s end of life here on earth, I have been anticipating my first trip back to Slovakia since 2010. I am feeling a bit of sadness because it will be without Joe Ann and I imagine that everyone I see will feel it too. However, the balance of my feelings is weighted on the side of joy and excitement as a look forward to reunions with so many friends in several cities.

My ticket is puchased and suitcase is out. My packing list is made. Some of the items I will take have been checked off already. Although I never spoke Slovak fluently, I am brushing up on the little Slovak I knew.

I am sorting through pictures to create a photo gallery of “then” photos to but on this blog site before I leave and looking forward to adding new “now” photos when I return.

Vanessa, who spent so much time with us during our early years in Slovakia, is traveling with me. I will have opportunity to see her again participating in the children’s English camp in Stola, where she was its first director in 2000. Children I knew then now have children of their own.

As the calendar of my time in Slovakia fills up, I look forward to a time of both remembering and creating new memories.

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Uncategorized

A Writing Exercise

Once I finished school and no longer had writing assignments that were part of course requirements, most of my writing has been the product of my own interests. But that changed sometime in early March when I joined the creative writing group at Evergreen Commons, our local senior center. Led by a capable writer, our two-hour weekly sessions begin with a brief writing activity followed by each of us reading the writing we produced based on the prompt from the previous week. Prompts from week to week have included such things as bullfrogs, a purple towel, bottles and beer cans, a white car driving the wrong direction . . . I think you see the challenge. One week we received a slightly different prompt. It was to write something using any of the metaphors and similies in Psalm 102. I have decided to share what I wrote that week. (You may find it worthwhile to read the Psalm first.)

An Unexpected Visitor

Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes. It was getting dark and there were no lights on in the room. She needed her clock to orient her to the day and time and glanced at it on the small table across the room. More than a clock, it was an information center spelling out in enlarged and glowing words and numbers the day, the time, and the date. It was an appropriate gift for an aging woman from a younger friend. She was grateful. She read Friday night, 8:15 p.m., April 7, 2023.

Now, she remembered. In the late afternoon, weary from the day’s activities, she sunk down in her favorite recliner and lifted the footrest. Long tapering and diminishing shadows crossed the living room floor as they slid through the open slats of her vertical blinds on the patio sliding door.

Taking her Bible from the table beside her, she opened it to the Psalms and began reading where she had finished the day before, Psalm 102. As she came to the closing verse, her eyes began to close. The Bible lay on her lap and her glasses remained on.

Unaware of the passing of time, she half-opened her eyes and saw a figure seated in the wingback chair across from her. She was startled and would have been scared, but he seemed vaguely familiar. She looked at him as he sat quietly looking at her. She needed a minute to mentally process.

Glancing down at her Bible, her eye caught the descriptor before Psalm 102 “A prayer of a afflicted man. When he is faint and pours out his lament before the Lord.”

Elizabeth blinked. There he was before her eyes, slumped, tired, gaunt, with no light in his sunken eyes. He had described himself to God so clearly that she recognized him.

Is he real and should I speak to him, she wondered. “I think I just read your desperate prayer. Did I not?” Elizabeth tentatively questioned.

He affirmed with a nod.

“Well, I must say I’m surprised your’re here. This means of Scripture ‘coming alive’ is new to me.” She smiled and hoped to elicit one in return. Did I detect an attempt? she wondered. “Since you are here, do you mind if I make a few comments?”

Her visitor shrugged and moved his hands as if to say, “It’s up to you. Go ahead. I’m listening.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath and let it out slowly, giving herself a moment to think about where to begin. “Well, first I have to say you are very poetic. Your description of your condition was quite moving.”

Her visitor continued to look at her but his gaze and body language acknowledged nothing one way or another.

She went on. “What truly amazed me was your willingness to approach the Lord described as – well, let me read it back to you. You said, ‘I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears because of your great wrath, for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.’ Do you remember saying that?”

His head movement indicated he did.

“Obviously, you know and trust this Lord or you would not have turned for help to the One who threw you aside. The way you address Him from the beginning told me that despite this graphic picture you paint of yourself, hope is the punctuation on your lament.

“You so beautifully described the greateness, power, glory, and eternal aspects of this Lord whom you petition, along with his compassion that it is no wonder you write ‘Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord.’ My dear man, that did in fact happen and you are looking at me, one from a future generation not yet created when you prayed your prayer.

“You asked God not to take you away in the midst of your years, but I am getting old and my days are like the dwindling, evening shadows more often than not. Do you see that they fade slowly? It is a process with its own form of peacerfulness. They are not frightening and I am not lamenting them. I also trust this Lord you addressed. You reminded me that He is eternal and unchanging although the earth is not and is wearing out like a garmet. And, as you said, I will live in His presence.

“In fact, someone who came later than you, wrote ‘we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.’ Although I’m sure you don’t see your troubles as light and momentary, it might be useful to try another perspective.”

Just then the phone rang. Fumbling to reach the switch on the lamp beside her, Elizabeth turned to pick up the cell phone on the table next to her chair. The screen on her phone read ‘potential spam’. She cut it off and when she looked across the room her visitor was gone.

I can’t talk to anyone about this, she thought. I’ll put it in writing and tuck it away in a drawer. some day when I am gone, my family will find it.

Categories
Poetry Relationships

Quiet Time

Recently Allen Arnold wrote about a sign on a Mexican restaurant that read “In a hurry? Come back when you are not.” It seems each order was hand-made and the process could not be hurried.

In our frantic, overscheduled world in which we often hear and often say how busy we are, our quiet time with the Lord, if we have one, is often hurried. I have been a critic of one-minute and five-minute devotional books for a long time because they would have us cram in a verse and a thought and a prayer without allowing time to wait, to listen, and to hear what the Holy Spirit wants us to know as we move into our day.

Today I want to share another poem by Ron Owens set to music by Patricia Owens along with a link so you can listen to this lovely song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pux5GuhHbkQ

The Quiet Time

The Quiet Time, The Quiet Time,
when I sit at Jesus' feet.
Those special, hallowed moments
when the earth and heaven meet.
Preparing for the day ahead,
I feast upon the Living Bread;
my soul restored, my heart renewed
in The Quiet Time.

The Quiet Time, The Quiet Time,
the savior's voice I hear,
communing with my blessed Lord,
His holy presence near.
I look into His matchless face,
I praise Him for His amazing grace,
I face the day, I go with Him,
From The Quiet Time.

I love the featured image on this post. It calls forth memories of my own childhood, the period of my life when I learned the importance of having a Quiet Time. It is so focused, so undisturbed, so intimate. How did I ever let time, age, and activities, move me to compromise that time, abbreviate it, forget it or lessen its priority?

In another one of his Daily Thoughts, Arnold quoted a friend as saying “Hurry is an attitude which comes from an agreement with a lie that God is expecting more than you can do.”

I have spent more days of my life than I care to recall with an attitude of hurry. At this time in my life I am working at confronting that lie and at recognizing that being fully present in the moment and relishing quiet togetherness with the Lord and with others is far more significant and satisfying than mindless busyness. I am learning that even doing what must be done can be done can be with a quiet heart and mind.

For those of you who are interested, you will find some thoughtful writing at www.withallen.com/blog

Categories
Poetry

His Name Is Jesus

April is National Poetry Month. This week I am choosing to feature the first verse of a poem, His Name is Jesus, written by Ron Owens and set to music by Patricia Owens.

Ron and Patricia have been dear friends since I met them through Joe Ann Shelton in 1989. Joe Ann sang their song as part of a medley which we played at her memorial service. Because I wanted to give you a link to the medley, I have included the words from another song written by Danny Lee that Joe Ann sings as part of the medley; they appear as the second verse below, following the chorus. This medley is a favorite of mine and I am including the link here so that you may hear it. https://vimeo.com/720367464

May you have a blessed Easter as we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. How wonderful to serve a living Lord!

His Name is Jesus

There are some who only know His name as just another name,
There are many who think there's no difference - that He's just the same
as all other prophets, sages, who've walked down through history,
that He died as any ordinary man upon that tree.
For they've never met my Jesus, they have never seen His face.
They know nothing of His boundless love nor of His saving grace.
They have never walked beneath the stream that flows from Calvary, 
they know only what is said of Him, He's only history.

His name is Jesus; yes, He's the One.
His name is Jesus, God's only Son.
His name is Jesus, bright morning star;
Come to this Jesus just as you are.

The busy streets and sidewalks, they suddenly grew still
as a man came through the entrance to the city.
He touched and healed a blindman with a little piece of clay,
and with trembling lips you could hear the people say
Jesus, Jesus, He is the Son of God.
Jesus, Jesus, the precious Son of God.
Fairest of ten thousand, bright and morning star,
sweetest rose of Sharon, He came to set us free
Jesus, Jesus, He's everything to me.
Yes, He's everything to me.

His name is Jesus; yes, He's the One.
His name is Jesus, God's only Son.
His name is Jesus, bright morning star;
Come to this Jesus just as you are.
Categories
Self Reflections

To Ponder: what is its meaning?

When I was a young teenager, I looked up a lot of words in the dictionary. Sometimes what I was looking for was a defintion that explained how the word works or how I could put it to work in my life. Take ponder, for example. I only had a King James translation of the Bible in my teen years and many words I read were not part of my daily vocabulary. Proverbs 4:26 read “Ponder the path of thy feet and let all thy ways be established.” Then, Proverbs 5:21 says, “For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.”

A modern translation uses the word “consider” in place of ponder in the fourth chapter of proverbs and “examines” for pondereth in the fifth chapter. But I actually like better the definition of ponder given by my pastor in a sermon many years ago. I noted it in my Bible. To ponder is “to weigh prayerfully; it is to give mental consideration with heart approval.” That helped. I find it a little more meaty or meaningful that simply “consider.”

Although we seldom use the word “ponder” these days, you may find the invitation to do so in thought questions at the end of Bible study guides. Rick Warren gave a “Point to Ponder” at the end of every chapter of The Purpose Driven Life.

So why am I writing about this? Maybe, because I’m doing a lot of it lately. But also, because I’m again reading the works of Henri Nouwen, an author whose writing causes me to exercise the process of pondering more than anyone else. Although I have about thirty of the books he wrote over his lifetime, I am just beginning to collect some of those in the Henri Nouwen Spirituality Series, a collection put together since his death. These books are on selected topics that were not the focus of a single one of his books but were addressed in many of his writings. These small volumes put together by others are made up laregly of excerpts from his writings.

Having been Joe Ann’s caregiver for a few years, I wanted to read A Spirituality of Caregiving. I got it this week and finished it this morning. In it I found so much to ponder. Perhaps I will write about some of it later.

What I most appreciate about Henri Nouwen’s approach to every aspect of life is that he was looking for the spirituality in living every part of life. It seems all too easy for me to mindlessly get on with the activities of daily living without mental consideration accompanied by heart approval of what is taking place. It is not about just doing what I am doing “as unto the Lord” but more importantly about what is He doing in me. I was reminded again that God is not loudly trying to get my attention. Becoming aware of the movement of the Spirit in my life requires silence and solitude.

What He is doing to transform me to His likeness is more important than what I am doing.

Categories
childhood memories

A Childhood Playground

Recently I joined a weekly creative writing group at the senior center in Holland and finished my second meeting this past Tuesday. This is a new experience for me and one that is already enriching my life. It is stretching me to write in new genres. There is value in the writing exercises, pleasure in hearing what others write and simple joy in doing something I love with others.

Each week we are given a word or two as prompts for our writing. Last week one of the words was “bullfrogs”. My immediate thoughts went to a favorite place of my childhood and I decided to share today what I wrote this week. It evoked a lot of childhood memories among those who were in the group on Tuesday. I hope it does the same for you.

Three-quarters of a century ago there was a magical place for me, a neighborhood formed by two streets, teeming with children, bounded on one side by an avenue and on the other by the entrance to a magical playground.

At the end of the upper street was we entered the special place where our adventures began. Walking down a slight slope and onto a winding sanding trail, we sometimes walked two abreast and at other times single file. If we paid attention we might see slithering garter snakes or scurrying field mice. At the right time of the year, there were buttercups and wild violets, and a variety of flowering weeds. Looking up and following the sounds, we spied birds we heard in the trees.

Although we were headed to a special place, we sometimes diverged from the path for a while to swing like Tarzan on wild grapevines that hung from climbable trees. Our destination was the end of the trail, the sights and sounds of the river with cattails and bullfrongs, and bloodsuckers that attached themselves to our legs and feet as we waded and splashed in the water of Black River. We had to examine each other to make sure the leeches were pulled off before going home.

My mother and the other mothers of my playmates were not always happy about our adventures. They worried about the poison ivy and poison sumac in the woods and what they considered human dangers in our playground. But we never saw the humans just the evidence they had spent time resting and eating in our shared space.

A block from the upper street were railroad tracks alongside a feedstore. Occasionally there were empty boxcars on those tracks and we played in them. I guess they were the mode of transportation for the hobos who had their camps in our playground. We didn’t mind sharing our space because they were never there when we were and what they left behind was sometimes of interest to us as we poked around in the remains of their campfires.

Although I have been carried back in memory to that neighborhood and playground, I can’t take you there to show it to you. It no longer exists. I the house I lived in on Columbia Avenue was between the Swift company ice cream factory and that of an old man with a wooden leg; we called his Peggy Mouw. Beyond his house lived his relative, Mrs. Mouw, who kept rabbits in a cage in her backyard. None of those places are there now. The houses on Fifth and Sixth streets are also gone. My neigborhood and playground were replaced by Windmill Island and Freedom Village.

I hope there are other magical places like those of my childhood where today’s children are building memories. I hope that one day when they reflect on memories of their childhood, they will not be of a playground in a video game but of places where living things are giving their imaginations space to run free./

Categories
Slovakia Memoir

Able and Willing

Sometime in 2004, Joe Ann and I were invited to visit a large psychiatric hospital in Slovakia that treated alcoholics, other drug addicts, and gamblers. After our first meeting with the the head of the hospital, we were invited to come another time for Joe Ann to share her story as a recovering alcoholic.

Of course, Joe Ann shared the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and their importance in her recovery process. After hearing Joe Ann’s story, the hospital administrator said this to us, “Under communism we were not permitted to have anything in our treatment program of a spiritual nature. Would you come here and bring the spiritual dimension to our patients?”

“Yes, we would be happy to do that. We will bring a proposal to you.” It was more than we could have asked for.

Introducing the Twelve Steps

Every treatment program in the U.S. knows the Twelve Steps of AA and about 95 percent of centers include them in some way as part of their treatement. We were being asked to bring the Twelve Steps to a place where they were totally unknown. Scouring our addiction library, we found an old book with a chapter that gave a model for introducing the Twelve Steps to a treatement center for the first time. We used that model to build our eight-week introduction which we ran in cycles. Since treatment was three months, most patients were able to take advantage of our weekly sessions during the course of their treatment.

Meditation on Step Two

Not long after we began the eight-week program, I wrote a workbook for those in our classes that summarized the teaching of each week, gave some additional material, and included daily meditations with space for them to write their thoughts. Most of the meditations were very short, just one or two paragraphs. However, when we introduced Step Two – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, I wrote a long meditation on the story we find in the Bible in Mark 9: 14-27.

The story is about a man who came to Jesus with his deaf and dumb son. The boy had seizures and when he had convulsions he foamed at the mouth and fell on the ground violently and became rigid. Sometimes when he was near water or fire and had a seizure, he fell into the water or fire and nearly died.

As this man came to Jesus, his son had a seizure. Earlier in the chapter we read that Jesus’ disciples had tried to help but they were unable to do so. You can imagine the helpless and hopeless feeling the man had. As he sees his son in a seizure there in front of Jesus, he pleads with Jesus and says, “If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”

Two questions

There are really two questions or doubts in that plea from the father. One had to do with the ability of Jesus to do anything. The other was about the willingness of Jesus to help. The man struggled with both of these. He had tried other things and they had not worked. He had gone to other people and they had not been able to help. Was Jesus able?

Then, even if Jesus could help, why would he want to help? Was he willing to help this man and his son? After all, there was nothing important about the man. He is asking Jesus for mercy. He had nothing to recommend him. There is no reason he deserves this. He is just a suffering human being and so is his son. He asks Jesus to have compassion – to enter into his suffering with him.

Then Jesus looks at the man and says to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” What incredible words for the father to hear. The Bible says that immediately the father of the boy cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

What he heard from Jesus was that Jesus was willing. What he also heard was that Jesus was not going to do something for the man without the man’s participation. He had to believe.

I went on from telling the Bible story to talking about the curious phrase in the second step, “came to believe”. The phrase implies a process. We don’t see the process before the story begins in Mark. We don’t know if the process in this man involved first hearing about Jesus and others being helped by him. Then, perhaps seeing others who were healed by Jesus, before he came to Jesus himself. But he came. Then he came to believe.

What about these questions and you and me?

I have seen Christians who are not confronting an illness and praying for healing, but instead they are struggling with these questions when it comes to serving the Lord is some way, accepting a challenge or taking a step of faith. They know God is able to do great things and that God uses people to carry his message and minister in many ways. Their question is not about God’s ability but about his willingness to use them.

When we have that question or doubt, I think it is because we are looking at our own inadequacies and forgetting that God is looking at how he gets glory from using us with our weaknesses.

Categories
Relationships Self Reflections

Never Too Late

When I started this blog last October, I had planned to post something each weekend. However, over the last month it hasn’t worked that way. Instead, it has been every other week. In the midst of other obligations, I am working to meet a deadline in completing my manuscript of the memoir to get it to a copy editor by March 1st.

Asking for forgiveness

People have shared with me and probably with you too the experience of having a disagreement, a falling-out, or something said or done in a relationship that was never resolved. Maybe words I regret or a tone of voice from yesterday, or something else that happened a week ago, a month ago, or even longer. I’ve not only heard this from others but I’ve also been guilty of it myself.

Because some of the problems seemed so small or so common, I never did anything about them. I rationalized. It’s history. It happened too long ago. They’ve probably forgotten all about it. But I was convicted that no matter how small it seemed to me or how long ago, if I remembered it, then it was not too small and probably the other person also remembered.

Several years ago I started practicing something I began advising others to do, i.e. to go back and say something like “Do you remember what I said to you last week Thursday when I was angry? I never should have spoken to you in the way I did. I want you to know I haven’t forgotten it and I’m asking you today to forgive me.”

Sometimes I’m not asking for forgiveness for what I said but for the way I said it. At other times, I have to say I was totally wrong about the whole matter. Also, it is not always about what was said or done. I can’t forget that some things I need forgiveness for are promises broken or expectations I created and then didn’t meet.

Those who work a Twleve Step program know that Step Nine is about making amends. When people start making their list of those whom they have harmed, they are often thinking of “big” things. But it is often the “little” things we ignore that slowly kill a relationship or cause love to die. Step Ten is about taking a daily inventory and “when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” What I am reminding myself is that when I’m not prompt in my admission, I don’t get a pass.

Expressing gratitude

While writing my memoir I found there was a person who appeared repeatedly doing significant things but she was never in the limelight and I hadn’t realized how valuable she was to me and the ministry. It has been fourteen years since I’ve seen her and I know I have not expressed to her the gratitude I feel even today.

Lord willing, I will see her this summer when I am planning to be in Slovakia. At the very least, she deserves a bouquet of flowers. As I have been reminded of her, I have thought how important it is to say thank you and I appreciate you. I also need to be specific about what the person said or did that made a difference in my day. These expressions can grow the love between us, enrich our lives, and bless the person who blessed us.

While writing this I had a picture in my mind of what the church would look like if everyone of us who needs to express gratitude to another showed up with a bouquet at the same time. It made me smile.

I want to not only be a more grateful person but also express my thankfulness. Just like asking for forgiveness has no expiration date, it is not too late to give thanks for something said or done a day ago, a month ago, or even fourteen years ago.