Month: February 2023

Categories
Relationships Self Reflections

Never Too Late

When I started this blog last October, I had planned to post something each weekend. However, over the last month it hasn’t worked that way. Instead, it has been every other week. In the midst of other obligations, I am working to meet a deadline in completing my manuscript of the memoir to get it to a copy editor by March 1st.

Asking for forgiveness

People have shared with me and probably with you too the experience of having a disagreement, a falling-out, or something said or done in a relationship that was never resolved. Maybe words I regret or a tone of voice from yesterday, or something else that happened a week ago, a month ago, or even longer. I’ve not only heard this from others but I’ve also been guilty of it myself.

Because some of the problems seemed so small or so common, I never did anything about them. I rationalized. It’s history. It happened too long ago. They’ve probably forgotten all about it. But I was convicted that no matter how small it seemed to me or how long ago, if I remembered it, then it was not too small and probably the other person also remembered.

Several years ago I started practicing something I began advising others to do, i.e. to go back and say something like “Do you remember what I said to you last week Thursday when I was angry? I never should have spoken to you in the way I did. I want you to know I haven’t forgotten it and I’m asking you today to forgive me.”

Sometimes I’m not asking for forgiveness for what I said but for the way I said it. At other times, I have to say I was totally wrong about the whole matter. Also, it is not always about what was said or done. I can’t forget that some things I need forgiveness for are promises broken or expectations I created and then didn’t meet.

Those who work a Twleve Step program know that Step Nine is about making amends. When people start making their list of those whom they have harmed, they are often thinking of “big” things. But it is often the “little” things we ignore that slowly kill a relationship or cause love to die. Step Ten is about taking a daily inventory and “when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” What I am reminding myself is that when I’m not prompt in my admission, I don’t get a pass.

Expressing gratitude

While writing my memoir I found there was a person who appeared repeatedly doing significant things but she was never in the limelight and I hadn’t realized how valuable she was to me and the ministry. It has been fourteen years since I’ve seen her and I know I have not expressed to her the gratitude I feel even today.

Lord willing, I will see her this summer when I am planning to be in Slovakia. At the very least, she deserves a bouquet of flowers. As I have been reminded of her, I have thought how important it is to say thank you and I appreciate you. I also need to be specific about what the person said or did that made a difference in my day. These expressions can grow the love between us, enrich our lives, and bless the person who blessed us.

While writing this I had a picture in my mind of what the church would look like if everyone of us who needs to express gratitude to another showed up with a bouquet at the same time. It made me smile.

I want to not only be a more grateful person but also express my thankfulness. Just like asking for forgiveness has no expiration date, it is not too late to give thanks for something said or done a day ago, a month ago, or even fourteen years ago.

Categories
Relationships

The Joy of Getting it

Isn’t it exhilarating to finally understand something you have been trying to learn?! I love to learn and I love to teach. There is always reason to celebrate whether I am doing the learning or I am helping someone else.

Most of the time we have to use words to explain something and that can be troublesome when it’s hard to grasp the meaning of a word. I am often looking for a definition that aids me in applying a word to my life. I’ll share here a few words that I have learned to put to work.

Delight

For example, when the Bible tells us that the Lord delights in us or when we are told to delight ourselves in the Lord, I want to know how I can describe and experience what delight looks and feels like. Somewhere a long time ago I read a definition that satisfied me and gave me an experiential understanding of delight. It is this: to love with enthusiasm.

Ponder

Or take the word ponder. It says in the Bible that Mary pondered what was told to her. It is not a word I use. What does it mean to ponder something? I was helped by this definition: to ponder is to give something mental consideration with heart approval.

Love

What does it look like to love others. On several occasion I heard people say incomprehensible things like “I don’t really like him, but I love him in the Lord.” Now what does that mean and how do you do that?

Is love a feeling? If so, how do I love those I don’t know? I don’t want to be overly simplistic here, but when I wanted to get a handle on this, I was helped by a pastor who said when we love other people we have “a relaxed mental attitude toward them.” Of course, that is not the whole of love but it is a starting place. When I apply that definition, I realize that it is not possible to judge someone at the same time I am having a relaxed mental attitude toward them.

Grace

Or take the huge concept of grace which I am forever experiencing and learning about. I learned about saving grace when I became a child of God. I learn every day about living grace. And I watched Joe Ann experience dying grace. I don’t know that there is a single definition that explains it although I know it from experience.

When I asked about its meaning as a child, someone said, “Grace is God’s riches at Christ’s expense.” That’s a nice acronym but it wasn’t satisfying.

One day while watching a tennis match I caught a tiny piece of its meaning. Everytime a player was a point away from winning the match, the announcer would say, “Advantage, Williams” or whatever the player’s name was. At that moment it occurred to me that God announces that in every situation in which I find myself. “Advantage, Joyce.” I have the winning edge in things that are frustrating, joyous, sad, perplexing, or any situation in which I find myself; he gives it to me. The match may not be over, but the advantage I have is that I can meet the challenge in him.

Attitude

We have all heard the word attitude invoked many times. We’re told to have a good one, change one, or get rid of a bad one. This brief definition of an attitude is my favorite because it tells me what it is and suggests how I can deal with it. An attitude is an emotional habit. When there is a recurring attitude, I recognize it for what it is and know that habits are not easy to break but they can be broken.

The definitions I share with you are like shorthand to me. I like them because I often have to put these words to work on the spur of the moment. These definitions help me understand what I am doing or what I need to do.

Do you have some to share? I’d love to hear them.